Professor Niall Ferguson in his book - Civilization - quotes that you cannot have physics when the particles have consciousness. He was speaking from the context of trying to predict future activities based on the data points from the present and the past..
But I am constantly reminded of this fact whenever I contemplate on families. There's a certain amount of generalization among families all over the world.
One is born and raised in them - during which period - an emotional bond circles and holds the members together for a substantial period of time.
Good stuff this, but this bond does not raise it's dubious nature until a long time in the future. It grows and under pins itself as the foundation of any decision making for the family.
So the parents work out their complete life around their kids and their convenience. There is an implicit payback expected. In the realms of emotions - payback is a bad word - but if it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck, it must be a ....
I have always wondered on the sustainability of the institution of marriage as it goes against the very fundamental tenets of human/societal instinct.
Why are parents keen to see their children married off - if - they're honestly uncomfortable with the subsequent trappings that a marriage brings along.
Why do perfectly rational people succumb to incongruous instincts when it comes to interactions that a marriage union has brought forth ?
Why does the insecurity index of parents rise a 100 fold if their wards and their spouses nurture a fresh bond ? This is an extremely reliable index. Unfortunately it cannot be tapped for investments. If it could - then governments wouldn't need to issue bonds..;)
Why does one refuse to take a step back and look at the whole situation objectively ? After all, there is clarity to be sought in the deepest of emotional states too, isn't there ?
Over a period of time - one realizes that it's a bloody waste of time to ruminate on any of these...
The Emotional Bond Circle that is created within a family cannot and will never be truly extended within the same circle. The extension is just a point of contact with another circle. Our parents have created our circles and we will create new ones. There will be a point wherein children are a part of two circles - the one's they are raised in and the one's they have created. The problem will be to balance the centrifugal forces of both these bonds.
Throughout this, the illusion of a single circle needs to be maintained. Since Illusions are never real, they need to be managed..
Therefore, Relationships post marriage need to be managed not solved. If there is ever a point where life has political lessons for an individual - this is it.
That being said - I believe that everything that is done needs to be, keeping in mind the premise of long term sustenance of all key relationships. Some one needs to play the Objective Project Manager who's job is managing relationships.
The risk is that the folks at the center of it all may not have the aforementioned premise. In which case something will give.. and bitterness will be propagated!
And the quirky thing about the whole charade would be that - the problem would have had a very easy solution - but unfortunately with no takers!
The sad thing is that one rarely gets into a marriage union with the above perspective realized.
Disclosure 1 : I have seen the aforementioned irrationality in almost all families that I have encountered. Haven't met a single exception as yet!
Disclosure 2 : The intent of this post is not to suggest that the problem is with either of parents or children. The truth is that the problem lies with both these interacting entities.
But I am constantly reminded of this fact whenever I contemplate on families. There's a certain amount of generalization among families all over the world.
One is born and raised in them - during which period - an emotional bond circles and holds the members together for a substantial period of time.
Good stuff this, but this bond does not raise it's dubious nature until a long time in the future. It grows and under pins itself as the foundation of any decision making for the family.
So the parents work out their complete life around their kids and their convenience. There is an implicit payback expected. In the realms of emotions - payback is a bad word - but if it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck, it must be a ....
I have always wondered on the sustainability of the institution of marriage as it goes against the very fundamental tenets of human/societal instinct.
Why are parents keen to see their children married off - if - they're honestly uncomfortable with the subsequent trappings that a marriage brings along.
Why do perfectly rational people succumb to incongruous instincts when it comes to interactions that a marriage union has brought forth ?
Why does the insecurity index of parents rise a 100 fold if their wards and their spouses nurture a fresh bond ? This is an extremely reliable index. Unfortunately it cannot be tapped for investments. If it could - then governments wouldn't need to issue bonds..;)
Why does one refuse to take a step back and look at the whole situation objectively ? After all, there is clarity to be sought in the deepest of emotional states too, isn't there ?
Over a period of time - one realizes that it's a bloody waste of time to ruminate on any of these...
The Emotional Bond Circle that is created within a family cannot and will never be truly extended within the same circle. The extension is just a point of contact with another circle. Our parents have created our circles and we will create new ones. There will be a point wherein children are a part of two circles - the one's they are raised in and the one's they have created. The problem will be to balance the centrifugal forces of both these bonds.
Throughout this, the illusion of a single circle needs to be maintained. Since Illusions are never real, they need to be managed..
Therefore, Relationships post marriage need to be managed not solved. If there is ever a point where life has political lessons for an individual - this is it.
That being said - I believe that everything that is done needs to be, keeping in mind the premise of long term sustenance of all key relationships. Some one needs to play the Objective Project Manager who's job is managing relationships.
The risk is that the folks at the center of it all may not have the aforementioned premise. In which case something will give.. and bitterness will be propagated!
And the quirky thing about the whole charade would be that - the problem would have had a very easy solution - but unfortunately with no takers!
The sad thing is that one rarely gets into a marriage union with the above perspective realized.
Disclosure 1 : I have seen the aforementioned irrationality in almost all families that I have encountered. Haven't met a single exception as yet!
Disclosure 2 : The intent of this post is not to suggest that the problem is with either of parents or children. The truth is that the problem lies with both these interacting entities.
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